The first time
by AAB
Summary: It looks like it's going to be a dull weekend for MAc but then Harm comes back from an investigation.


**The first time  
** _Set shortly after JAGathon  
_

The movie was interesting enough but her heart wasn't in it. It was Friday evening and she looked forward to a boring weekend with no plans. The voice telling about new ways to discover fingerprints droned on but she didn't listen anymore.  
Suddenly there was a movement. Someone behind her.  
She didn't have to turn around and look or even needed a word to know who was standing behind her. Her body told her and if that wasn't enough, she deeply inhaled his unique scent. She felt his hands on her shoulder; then they slid down her arms to her hands. She leaned back against his strong chest and his arms surrounded her. She felt his chin against the side of her head; her hair moved just a little bit on the rhythm of his breath.  
She closed her eyes.  
Felt.  
Absorbed.  
When the lights went on he was gone. 

The group was ushered to the next room. Coffee and biscuits stood on side tables and they were asked to sit. Then the Admiral took the stand.  
"You just saw a movie about the latest techniques of fingerprinting. Next there will be a live demonstration. That will be in the building next door. But due to a broken cable the lights on the pathway are down so be careful. I don't want broken limbs."  
He nodded at Harm "Commander Rabb, I'm glad you could make it. I await your report first thing Monday morning."  
Mac smiled. She was glad, too. She had missed him. Having to attend a demonstration on Friday evening was not her favourite pastime but now that Harm was back there was at least a chance to spend time with him during the weekend. Like a run on Sunday morning. He caught her look and smiled back. When they went out he came over to walk next to her.  
`How are you?"  
"Fine. Two deals and one case won this week, so I will have a leisure weekend. How did your investigation go?"  
"Better than I expected. I have to check on some things and there are still two leads to follow but guess I have enough now to go to court. What this witness had to tell can make the case."  
Despite the Admirals words, the darkness outside ambushed Mac. She stumbled and almost missed the step, but then there was Harm's hand coming to her rescue.  
"Hey Marine, you are supposed to save the world, not land on it."  
Walking on he held her hand in his firm warm grip.  
"Guess that laser-op did pay off after all," she commented dryly, to hide her confusion.  
He just gave her a lopsided grin, only releasing her when they entered the building and were in the light again. 

The demonstration had ended and now they were free to go. Needless to say Mac hadn't heard a word, too distracted as she was by him standing near her. She threw a quick glance on his face but it was completely void of any emotion.  
Bud Roberts walked over to them. "Sir, now you're here, would you mind to give the Colonel a ride home?"  
Harm nodded shortly and looked at Mac, motioning her to lead the way to the parking lot. Luckily the power shortages seemed to have been solved; at least the lights were back on again. Politely he held the door for her before slipping behind the steering wheel but he kept silent.  
Mac tried to make conversations but soon had to admit making conversation is difficult when you're the only one talking. He only answered absentminded and in monosyllabics. Finally her subjects for conversation dried up and silence entered the car.  
Tension entered, too.  
Increased.  
And then increased some more.  
Mac was happy when they reached their destination.  
"Want to come in for a cup of coffee?"  
"I don't think the will be wise. If I come in now, I'm going to make love with you all night long."  
He didn't look at her, merely waited for her to leave the car.  
Mac's breath hitched.  
She swallowed.  
So this was it.  
It was all up to her now.  
Without looking she groped for the door handle. Fumbled with it till she managed to open the door and stepped out of the car. He kept looking straight ahead, motionless.  
She felt her legs tremble and braced her knees in order not to sag.  
Slowly she pushed the door close.  
She took the first step, then another and another.  
Reached the door.  
Blindly grabbed the doorknob.  
Opened the door.  
He kept his eyes fixed on the steering wheel.  
"Aren't you coming?" She barely recognized her own voice.  
Slowly, like he was afraid to break, he emerged from the car. Like a zombie he used the remote to lock. She took his hand and he followed meekly. Not a word was spoken.  
Upstairs it took several attempts to unlock the door. She led him into her apartment and slowly turned towards him. It was the first time they made eye contact since he had spoken. The air seemed to crackle with energy.  
Then he made his move, sweeping her up and carrying her to the bedroom. 

They hadn't bothered to put a light on but now she felt him move and suddenly there was the dim light of her bed stand light.  
When she found the courage to look at him he was propped on one elbow, hovering over her.  
"You are so beautiful."  
To her annoyance tears welled up. He tenderly wiped them away with his thumb.  
"How do you feel?"  
She shrugged.  
"How do _you_ feel?" she answered his question with a counter-question. 'Don't let him say he is sorry, don't let him say he is sorry' was the silent prayer in her head. She wouldn't know how to cope with those words, wouldn't know how to cope when this night didn't mean the same to him as it did to her.  
He fell back in the pillows, staring at the ceiling.  
"Terrified," he answered after some moments.  
"Why?  
"At you engagement party I told you the thing I wanted most ... was to never lose you. I almost lost you so many times. Dalton, Sidney, Mic, our fight at the Guadalcanal, miscommunication, timing or better lack thereof and most of all my own stupidity. I'm so lucky and happy to have you still in my life. Now I'm terrified …" he choked.  
"I'm still here," Mac softly said.  
Silence ruled for some moments.  
"Why did you do it? Why tonight?" She had to know.  
This was no time to hold back.  
"I missed you! Even though I was only away for a few days I missed you like crazy." He sighed. "When we agreed to try and start at the beginning again, I thought that would be enough. That regaining our friendship was the most achievable and that it had to be enough. But it isn't. Enough I mean. I want you. All of you. For ever." Exhausted by his confession he closed his eyes.  
Mac couldn't believe her ears. He wanted her. Correction, present time. He wants me! Her mind went blank by the enormity of his words.  
Finally she touched his face, wanting him to look at her. He didn't react.  
"Harm?"  
Nervously he opened his eyes and propped himself up again. Now it was his turn to ask the question that was burning on his lips.  
"Why did you do it? Agree with it?"  
"I know we were working on getting our friendship back. But I kept thinking, what if we ended up in the same dance? Pulling and pushing and hurting each other in the process. What if we couldn't mend fences the next time, or the next time? And this evening …" Her lips trembled and she drew a shivering breath.  
The hand cupping her cheek was warm and comforting.  
"A few weeks ago Sturgis asked about the tension between us. Why couldn't I just get over you and move on? And before I knew it, I blurted out 'because I'm in love with him'." Despite his earlier words her heart hammered in her throat when she finally confessed her feelings for him and she barely could say the words out loud.  
He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. When he finally opened them, she could see the tears in them.  
"I love you, Sarah, so much."  
Her arms were around his neck, so tight she almost choked him but he couldn't care less. 

"Marry me!"  
Her jaw dropped. Had he really said that? But the serious expression on his face gave her the answer. He _had_ said it and he _did_ mean it!  
"Yes," she answered without hesitation. After all, yes, it was fast but hey, hadn't they danced around each other for years? Even the Admiral had warned them not to become too close, the first time they met in the White House's rose garden. Apparently the old judge of people had already seen then what they themselves had denied for way too long. That they belonged together!  
"Do you want to go to a judge of peace? We can have our licences in three days. Three week days, that is"  
"No. I want a proper wedding. Small but with everything. Minister and flowers en family and close friends and you in a beautiful dress and …"  
"And you in your dress white," Mac completed.  
"Me in my dress white. And pictures, lots of them. An album to flip through when we sit at the fire or later when our children or grandchildren want to know how our wedding was."  
Mac could only gaze at him till he blushed and looked away.  
"What? I had dreams, too, okay?"  
She pulled him in for another kiss which led to a lot more.  
When they came up for air, Mac said "I think I'll ask Harriet to help me organize. If that's okay with you? Or do you want to …"  
Slowly Harm shook his head. "No, I don't need to organize the wedding. But I'd like to be in on decisions. Like where it will be and who is the minister, things like that."  
"What about the two of us making the plans and I'll ask Harriet to help me with the practical side like calling caterers and florists and so on and help me find a dress? Anyhow, you are not allowed see the dress before the wedding."  
"Sounds like a plan. But maybe Bud and I can do things, too. I suggest we sit down and picture our perfect wedding and then divide tasks."  
"Sounds good to me." She rested her head on his chest. "This is really happening, isn't it? Us planning our wedding? It feels like a dream."  
"Then you and I are in the same dream and I don't care where I am, as long as it's with you," was Harm's firm retort, once more pressing his lips on hers. 

Much later Harm still had one thing on his chest.  
"Sturgis never said something, not even dropped a hint," he voiced his surprise.  
"No, because I swore him to secrecy, telling him he had to fear the wrath of a Marine if he slipped as much as a single word. Me too, I was thinking friendship was the most achievable and that it had to be enough. I couldn't be the first … I knew I couldn't survive another Sidney."  
A flash of pain crossed his face and she was quick to kiss it away.  
"Don't beat yourself up. It did hurt back then but in hindsight, if I had been a bit more observant, listened better, I would have heard you said 'not yet' and not 'no'."  
"As I said, communication has always been our stumbling-block."  
She caressed his cheek. "Well, tonight you were very eloquent. I might, no, I will need to hear the words again but …"  
He cut her short. "Sarah, I love you. More than words can express. And I plan to tell you many, many times."  
"I love you, too."  
Her eyes fell close. It had been a long day, a long evening and a very emotional one.  
"Let's get some shut-eye."  
"Yeah," she agreed. "You holding me?"  
Despite his own exhaustion he chuckled. "Do try and stop me!"  
She turned to lie on her side and he spooned her, their legs entangled, her head resting on his left arm, the fingers of their right hands intertwined. She sighed contently. Tomorrow, when she would wake up he would be there, and the day after tomorrow and the next day and the next … 

The end


End file.
